


Don't Wait Up For Me

by Breac_Rosetta



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Jaspidot - Freeform, One-Shots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-29 21:04:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5142401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Breac_Rosetta/pseuds/Breac_Rosetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I've got a restless mind.</p>
<p>Adjusting to a new life on Earth will be difficult. Not that they expected anything less.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Homecoming

**Author's Note:**

> It was only supposed to be a sketch of Jasper in a bathtub. I swear. It started with a sketch that turned into a Jaspidot drawing, that lead to a little drabble, which has now become an idea for a series of one-shot stories. 
> 
>  
> 
> <http://hen-universe.tumblr.com/post/130236747671/she-had-barely-managed-to-fit-herself-inside-the>

She had barely managed to fit herself inside the smooth, hollow basin, head resting on one side and her and feet pushing up against the other. She needed this. She had spent so much time trapped in an infinite void, thrashing and screaming into the black abyss. She needed to feel limits to the world again. She needed to push against something and feel a resistance, to see the boundaries of reality once more. 

"I never wanted you to see me like this."

Jasper traced a finger down the cool porcelain side of the bathtub, avoiding Peridot's anxious glances. Jasper hadn't expected to see her again. She hadn't expected to be shown mercy, nor had she expected to accept it. But here they were nonetheless. 

"You thought I didn't know about your limb enhancers?"

"I thought it was easier to ignore."

Sunlight filtered in from a small window above the sink. Jasper could hear the low growl of the shore from outside. 

They had changed too much.

After months of separation and individual torment , this was all they could show for it. This was all they could muster at being reunited. Jasper looked over to Peridot. 

"Do you want to come up here?" Jasper asked.

"There's no room."

Jasper patted her chest. Peridot gave a cursory glance up out the window. Seagulls drifted along her line of vision, their high-pitched squeals echoing down. She'd spent enough time on Earth to recognize them, even if she didn't know their name. She walked over to Jasper and began to pull herself up the side of the tub. Jasper made no move to help her. It would only be an insult. When she finally came to rest on Jasper's chest, Peridot let out a long, tired huff. 

Jasper rested a hand on Peridot's side.

"You're not weak for this, Peridot." 

Peridot didn't answer.

"You did a lot better than I did."

At least Peridot hadn't seen her at her worst. She hadn't seen her with chains around her limbs as she clawed madly every which way, hoping some way was up, desperately struggling to break even a single link on her shackles and failing evey time. She didn't have to see her, unfused and defeated, accepting surrender at the hands of these Gems. 

"You don't need me anymore." Jasper stated.

"I know." Peridot replied.

There was a knocking at the door.

"Peridot, is Jasper in there?" Pearl called. Peridot turned her face into Jasper's chest and groaned. Not her. 

"Do you care if they know about us?" Jasper asked. Peridot shrugged. 

"What are they going to do, demote us?"

The knocking had increased to a steady pounding.

"PERIDOT!"

"The door's unlocked!" Peridot yelled.

The door slammed open and Pearl froze in place, her eyes darting from Jasper to Peridot.

"Am I...interrupting something?" She asked haltingly.

"Yes." Peridot snapped. "Go away."

Pearl blushed and quietly shut the door after her.

"I can't believe that worked." 

Jasper offered a hum in agreement. 

They listened to the sound of the ocean filter in from outside.


	2. What the Water Gave Me

"Are you ready?"

Jasper gave a quick nod.

"Do it."

Peridot hesitated. She searched Jasper's face, as if waiting for some implicit gesture indicating that Jasper meant otherwise. She'd managed to squeeze most of her bulk inside the bathtub. One hand gripped a knee while the other was firmly encased around the tub's rim. Peridot sat on Jasper's feet, positioned next to the faucet. Her hands wavered above the knobs. She knew what came next. They'd done it enough to become a routine. That still didn't make it any easier.

"Do it." Jasper repeated. Peridot turned back and gave a twist to both knobs. The water gushed forth and Peridot could her the crack of Jasper gritting her teeth. She was going to break them. Peridot was certain that eventually Jasper would clench too hard, that her teeth would shatter in her mouth and all the little pieces would drop into the water, settling at the bottom. She'd still be here, waiting to pick up the pieces. Peridot didn't turn back to look at Jasper. She kept her eyes on the faucet, watched as it trembled and shook with each fresh burst. 

Pathetic.

Jasper knew what she had become. To be reduced to this, to be tormented by something so simple, so elementary to existence, it was disgusting. She was disgusted with herself. The water climbed past her ankles, rising higher and higher. She could never let anyone see her like this. She had left the ocean but she never stopped drowning. Breathing was unnecessary. A human could only be forced to drown for mere minutes. She'd been kept under for almost a year. Water would never kill her. It could only hold onto her.

"You can't tell anyone about this, understand?" 

Peridot shot a backways glance at Jasper.

"Don't grip the tub like that. You'll break it."

Jasper relocated her hand to her other knee, free to grasp as tightly as she wished. 

"I'm going to fight this. I won't let it have power over me."

Peridot nodded, eyes focused on the faucet. The water creeped higher, lapping against her calves and coming to creep over her stomach. 

"Make it stop." Jasper rasped. "Now." 

Peridot darted down, her tiny hands on the silver knobs before Jasper could blink, shutting off the flow of water. Jasper exhaled slowly through her clenched teeth. Peridot looked away, pretending not to notice how the water rippled from Jasper's shivering. The water heaved again as Jasper inhaled sharply, sucking up as much air as her body could hold. Her chest, her body, her whole being seemed to expand, filling the tub and pushing Peridot farther away. The water rose a bit higher.

Jasper exhaled again, quickly this time, more like a prolonged sigh than anything else. The water surged under the movement, splashing against Peridot's face. She wiped the stray droplets off her visor with her forearm.

"You don't need to sit in here with me."

"There's lots of things I don't need to do, Jasper."

"You can't stand to look at me, can you?"

Peridot twisted around to look back.

"I don't blame you. I can't stand myself either." 

"This isn't you, Jasper." Peridot murmured.

"It is now."

"But not forever." Peridot insisted.

"...No." Jasper conceded. "Not forever."

Peridot nodded once and plunged her fist into the water. She yanked up the plug, twisting and flailing on its silver chain as if it was alive. The water drained away, and Jasper felt like something else went away with it.


	3. Crossfire

"Why do we have to do this?" Jasper grumbled.

"It's the protocol." Peridot informed her.

Jasper let her gaze dart over to her captors. They were seated some ways away at a table, returning her suspicious glare in kind. Jasper turned back to the walls in front of her. From behind her, she could hear the sound of the shower from the other side of the door.

"You know you don't need to keep your head turned when you're outside the bathroom, right?" 

Jasper turned back to look at Amethyst, who was resting her head on the palm of her hand. Peridot sprung to her feet but Jasper remained rooted in place, body still turned into the corner as she watched Peridot.

"Then why did you let us sit like this for fifteen minutes!" Peridot shrieked. Amethyst grinned and shrugged. 

"It was kinda funny."

Jasper could practically see the fuse snapping inside Peridot.

"Why you treacherous heap of stinking Earth-" 

"Peridot," Jasper snapped, "Be quiet. Sit down." Peridot's verbal barrage halted as soon as it started. She looked over to Crystal Gems, scowled at Jasper, then grumbled something under her breath and plopped down beside her again, facing the wall. 

"Hey, you don't have to be such a jerk," Amethyst said as she slipped down off her chair. Jasper turned back to the Gems and felt her hackles raise. Garnet and Pearl were glaring at her in disgust, and Jasper caught the way one of Garnet's hands had clenched into a fist. 

Jasper was no stranger to imprisonment. Even before Lapis, before her torment in the ocean, Jasper had been taken prisoner before. There was no mistaking it. They were still very much prisoners on this planet, and the Crystal Gems were still their captors. She knew how to survive captivity, and more importantly, Jasper knew what things were a one-way ticket to destruction. Peridot couldn't afford to mouth off like this, not here, not to these Gems, who could so easily smash her or harvest her. From what Peridot had told her, she'd been saved from harvesting only on the good graces of their leader, 'Steven.' Behind the temple doors, however, remained countless Gems who weren't so lucky. Jasper wouldn't let her be another. She'd protect Peridot, even from her self. Amethyst began to approach them and Jasper rose to her feet, stepping in front of Peridot.

"Listen,"Jasper growled to Amethyst. "Peridot is my subordinate. It's my duty-"

"Why don't you back off?" Amethyst snarled at her. Pearl and Garnet had risen from their seats, making their way towards Amethyst. 

"Jasper..." Peridot hissed. Jasper's eyes darted to Peridot and back again towards the Crystal Gems. They'd blocked her and Peridot into the short hallway. Jasper had to weigh her options. She knew by now that the three of these Gems were too much for her to take on by herself. Besides, even if she managed to break away and flee from them, there was no place to run. No one was coming for them. It had been almost a year with nothing so much as a Red eye in search of them. She and Peridot were on their own on this hostile world, under the control of rebels as ancient as she was. Right now, Jasper knew she had to de-escalate the situation as best as she could. Pearl stepped up besides Amethyst while Garnet stood at the rear.

"Jasper, we expect a certain standard of behavior in this house." Pearl explained, trying to keep her tone civil. It wasn't much of an effort; Jasper could practically see the venom dripping out her mouth and lacing each word. 

"We don't want any trouble," Jasper growled.

"Yeah? Well you have a funny way of showing it." Amethyst retorted.

Jasper shot a quick glance down to Peridot. It was bad enough that they were both captives, but if these Gems figured out what was going on between them... No, it couldn't happen. She couldn't allow them to know what Peridot meant to her, it was too much of a liability. As far as the Crystal Gems were concerned, Peridot could only be her subordinate. Anything else would put them in too much danger.

"What's...going on?"

All heads turned to Steven as he exited the bathroom. Pearl immediately stepped forward and gave a quick, casual laugh.

"Oh, nothing, Steven. Everything is fine. Right, Jasper?" 

"Yes." Jasper grumbled, "Fine."

*****

There was no such thing as quiet on this planet. The ocean rumbled and hissed in its ceasless assault on the shore, never able to overtake the land. Off the distance, muted sounds of civilization could be heard. They were allowed to roam the area directly surrounding the house at night. Jasper sat sheltered below the elevated porch while Peridot kicked at the sand a few feet away. There was no point in trying to escape. Every time either one of them made a motion to leave, one of the Crystal Gems would step out onto the balcony, watching them. Jasper watched Peridot aimless kick the sand for a while longer before she called her over.  
Peridot scurried over to Jasper, and Jasper sat in thought for a moment before beginning.

"We're in danger, Peridot. You understand that, don't you?" Peridot nodded and Jasper continued. "I don't know how or when we're going to get back home. We might be trapped here for a while." Jasper paused again, lost in thought.

"Tell me about these Gems, Peridot." 

"I...have been treated hospitably during my confinement. No one has attempted to force information from me, and aside from one incident, I have been unharmed."

"One incident?" Jasper asked.

"It may have been a...provoked response."

"You were acting like you, in other words."

Peridot scoffed and folded her arms.

"If these Gems had wanted to hurt me, they would have done it already."

"You don't know what they're capable of doing, Peridot!"

"I know they're a bunch of backwards, barely-functioning fools!" Peridot shot back.

"THEY DESTROYED OUR SHIP!"Jasper roared. "THEY STRANDED US HERE AND HAD YOU ON THE RUN FOR MONTHS! LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO LAZULI!" 

There was a creaking noise above their heads and they both froze, waiting for a voice or the sound of footsteps clattering across the deck. The only sounds that followed was the rush of the breeze against the house. Jasper turned back to Peridot and hissed quietly,

"Do you really think you can trust them?" 

Peridot hesitated, searching for the right way to word her jumbled thoughts.

"I think...I think that based on the behaviors I have witnessed, these Gems mean us no harm as long as we cooperate on this mission."

"And when this 'mission' with the cluster is over?" Jasper prompted.

Peridot didn't have an answer.

"Do you really think they're going to let us return home?"

"They would have no further reason to keep us."

Jasper nodded.

"Exactly."

*****

"Amethyst?" Peridot called. Amethyst looked over to her. It was the following morning and she, Peridot, and Pearl were out at the barn. Garnet had stayed behind to watch over Jasper. Amethyst trotted over to Peridot, still restricted on her leash. 

"Hey, Peri, what's up?" She asked with a grin.

"Would you ever hurt me?" Peridot asked.

Amethyst's face darkened. 

"Does this have to do Jasper?"

Peridot hesitated. 

"Jasper is under the impression that she should...have some concern about my conduct while amongst you."

Amethyst put her hands on Peridot's shoulders.

"Peridot, whatever's going on with Jasper, you don't have to put up with it, understand? Say the word and we'll step in. You can trust us."

"I don't understand."

Amethyst hesitated.

"Is Jasper...hurting you?"

"What?" Peridot recoiled. "No! She and I-" Peridot bit her tongue, clamping down on the confession that was poised to escape her. Even though they were isolated, even though there was practically no chance of such a confession leaking its way back to Homeworld, Peridot knew better than to admit her real relationship. They were still Gems, and it was still taboo for a low-ranking Gem like Peridot to be involved with someone who had Jasper's level of power. Peridot refocused on the issue at hand. "Jasper's thinks it's you who's going to hurt us."

"What? Why would we hurt you?"

Peridot wanted to trust Amethyst. She wanted to believe that Amethyst meant her no harm, that once the Cluster was stopped, they would part on friendly terms. The Crystal Gems could go on living peacefully in their backwater isolation and she and Jasper could simply make up some story about the Earth being too dangerous and uninhabitable for Gem life once they returned home. She wished she could believe it without asking.

"What's going to happen to us once the Cluster is no longer a threat?"

Amethyst's hands slipped from Peridot shoulders. Peridot studied her reaction.

"You...you could stay here on Earth. With us. With me."

"I want to go home, Amethyst."

"Well, what's so great about your stupid home planet anyway?" Amethyst snapped. Peridot flinched and stepped away. Amethyst crossed her arms, gave a sideways glance to Peridot, and walked back towards the barn.

*****

She couldn't see the stars. 

They were back together in the bathroom that night. There was only a bluish-black darkness outside the window. It was so strange to Peridot. Even from way out here, uncounted millions of miles from home, the stars were one thing she had never considered would go missing. The lights of the humans drowned them out, taking away her last link to home. As if reading her mind, Jasper's arms wrapped around her. Peridot tilted her head up to look at Jasper. She was staring out the window too, a distant gleam in her eyes.

"We'll get back eventually, Peridot." Jasper muttered. "We just need to keep our heads down and stick together until then." 

Peridot turned to the bathroom door. The Crystal Gems were somewhere out there, perhaps in the temple. Peridot curled herself up against Jasper and nodded.


	4. Chapter 4

She really didn't understand any of this.

There were plenty of things Jasper had expected to happen once she'd been freed from captivity. Her death, possibly. Another fight with the Crystal Gems. Yellow Diamond's reinforcements. Rose Quartz. She'd been prepared for hundreds of scenarios. But not for this. She sat motionless as Peridot fiddled with the small box in front of her, continuing on a spiel to which Jasper was only half-listening.

"-though I started at episode five, it really is best to start from the beginning. The camp-"

She hadn't expected mercy. She hadn't expected peace. Yet here she was, sitting in a barn loft at a loss with what to do with herself. Perhaps that's why she had agreed to do this. Aside from Lapis, Peridot was the only other Gem who'd come along on this mission, and she had the distinction of working alongside the Crystal Gems for months. Jasper expected, perhaps, that Peridot would be able to give her some guidance.

"Let the Camp Pining Hearts marathon begin!" Peridot squealed as the screen flickered to life.

Jasper was beginning to regret her decision.

Peridot dashed over to the couch and jumped onto a seat, gripping the edge of the cushion in an ecstatic glee. Jasper remained where she was, seated in front of the couch. Peridot was at eye level with her, her attention completely taken by the transmission. On the screen, a human sat on the porch in front of a log cabin. She was tying a blue scarf around her neck.

"It's brilliant, really," Peridot began. Jasper turned to her and Peridot caught her eye, hesitated, then pointed to the human on screen.

"The camp is a training tool for young humans. It divides the campers into groups and pits them against each other through various displays of symbolic gestures and strength. All battle tactics have a place at Camp Pining Hearts."

Onscreen, the human girl with the curly orange hair put her head in her hands and sighed dreamily.

 _"Maybe I'll even make some new friends!"_ She exclaimed.

Jasper stared at Peridot in silent judgment.

"It...it gets better!" Peridot promised. "You just need to give it chance."

Jasper gave a non-committal grunt and turned back to the screen. She was only half-watching and quickly began to drift back into her thoughts. The transmission was drivel, pure and simple. Peridot's fondness for it was incomprehensible to Jasper. She turned her attention back to Peridot. She was leaning on the edge of the couch, eyes glued to the video. Every so often, she would silently mouth the dialogue.

"You've changed, you know."

Peridot's attention was snapped back to Jasper. In a flash the spell of the TV show was broken and Peridot returned to her old self, suspicious and closed-off. Jasper expected for a moment that Peridot would lash out at her, but instead she curled her knees up to her chest and looked away.

"...I know."

Peridot shot a wary glance over to Jasper, as if she was expecting Jasper to berate her. Part of her wanted to do it. To tell Peridot to stop wasting her time with this trash and to take a good, long look at what she'd become. But the truth was that Jasper knew she was in no position to judge anymore. It was time for her to reevaluate the choices she'd made. Her life had deviated down the wrong path, and she wouldn't be able to right herself if she didn't stop and figure out what went wrong in the first place. Maybe now wasn't the time for action. Maybe, just for now, it was time to sit back and observe. So Jasper waited until Peridot began to relax again, uncurling and glancing from the TV back to Jasper.

"I'm well aware of the fact that my time on Earth has changed me." Peridot finally said as she looked up at the screen again. "I just don't know if I'm changing for the better or worse."

Peridot turned back to Jasper.

"It doesn't always make sense, but not everything here is as terrible as it first seems."

Jasper's attention was pulled by something happening on the TV. Peridot paused to stare as well.

_"It's the color war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"_

The humans leaned in close and pressed their lips together. Their hands roamed over the other's faces, arms, shoulders. Something about the action made Jasper uneasy. She looked over to Peridot, who had once again become lost in the program. Her lips opened and parted slightly in unconscious mimicry of the act.

"Why do they do that?" Jasper asked. Peridot was once again dragged from her reverie. A light blush dusted her face as she explained.

"It's called kissing. Humans do it to symbolize the beginning of an allegiance to each other."

Jasper knew Peridot was only phrasing things that happened on the show in a way she thought Jasper would approve. It didn't do much to explain what happened on screen, or Peridot's reaction to it. In truth, Jasper couldn't care less about the show. Peridot's investment in it interested her far more.

"Care to elaborate?" Jasper asked. Peridot snorted.

"Well, to start, this is a terrible allegiance. Percy would be much better suited for Pierre!"

"The one who won the three-leg race?"

"Yes!" Peridot squealed, eyes lighting up. "Percy and Pierre could dominate the camp! They're both superior beings and they compliment each other well! In episode nine, you really get to see how great they could be for each oth-"

Peridot trailed off and began to eye Jasper up nervously.

"I mean...their battle capabilities would be-"

Jasper held up a hand.

"Peridot, I don't care."

Peridot reacted as if she'd been struck.

"I don't care if you like this." Jasper continued. "Just stop trying to justify it to me and be honest about it."

Peridot nodded slowly, as if she still wasn't certain whether Jasper was testing her.

"Why _do_ you like this?" Jasper finally asked. Peridot paused to consider her response.

"Humans don't have inherent ranks, you know. Or set classes. Or even any apparent distinction between skill sets. Every single one has to vie for dominance with each other AND discover their personal strengths. They have no one to tell them what to do with themselves or what their purpose is. Can you even imagine how terrifying that must be? It's no wonder they're so eager to make alliances with each other. They have nothing else to guide them."

Jasper nodded once and turned back to the program. The humans had separated and Paulette was back in her cabin, fiddling with her blue scarf. Peridot had a point. Humans were hopeless as a species. They dashed through their lives aimlessly, flailing around in hopes of accidentally stumbling across something that would give some semblance of meaning to their lives. All humans were alike, and had nothing like their own Diamonds to guide them. Of course they were lost.

Jasper wondered then what that would make her.

She knew what was waiting for her if she returned. Yellow Diamond had chosen her personally, and yet she'd failed on all counts. Her rank, her prestige, everything she had gained wouldn't save her now. The only thing she could look forward to was being harvested. She could either return home, as a dutiful Gem would, and accept her fate with dignity or she could remain here, hiding in isolation for the rest of her existence.

Without the guidance of her Diamond, what was she? What was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to live? The panic began to flutter wildly in Jasper's chest.

"Oh oh oh! This is a great part!" Peridot exclaimed, snapping Jasper out of her thoughts. Onscreen, Pierre was arguing with another camper.

 _"Hey, man, you don't know who you're messing with!"_ The boy sneered as he poked Pierre in the chest.

 _"Step off, Jeff!"_ Pierre snarled as he shoved the offending camper. A chorus of whoops and cheers erupted from the gathered crowd as Jeff stumbled and slunk away, turning back to glare at a triumphant Pierre. Peridot grinned widely and turned to Jasper.

"Did you see that!? Pretty great, right?"

Peridot's grin faded as she studied Jasper's expression.

"Is there...something wrong?" Peridot asked quietly.

"We're stuck here, Peridot. We're never going back home."

Peridot didn't answer. Instead, she began to pick at a loose thread on the couch.

"How can you be so calm?" Jasper hissed. "Don't realize what that means! What we've become? We're lost, Peridot! We have nothing!"

"The Crystal Gems made it." Peridot countered. "If they can do it, it can't be that difficult. We focus on this mission with the Cluster for now. Once that's over, we'll figure something out."

Jasper nodded slowly. She should have been ashamed of herself, really. Their relationship had completely switched. It should have been her duty to protect Peridot, and yet here she was, gladly taking reassurances from her. Maybe there was more wrong with her than she thought. Maybe it was this planet. Maybe it just had a way of destroying the natural order in a Gem's life. Jasper didn't know. For the first time in a very long time, she didn't know what to do.

"We'll make it work, Jasper." Peridot murmured. Jasper nodded again and they lapsed into silence as the show continued.

_"You don't understand, Stacey! Someone like me could never be accepted by Cabin Four. I'll always be a loner."_

_"No, Jeff! You don't understand! The truth is, I..."_

"What do you think of that alliance?" Jasper asked, glad to have something to break the silence. Peridot snorted and crossed her arms.

"Well, they're no match for Percy and Pierre, but they would be..adequate. Stacey's skills are all-around average. She demonstrates no discernible strengths or weaknesses, aside from the fact that she is well-regarded by her cabin. Jeff has proven to be a capable combatant, but is untrusted by his group, which results in a poorer performance. If he aligns with Stacey, she can provide social leverage while he can offer guidance in combat."

A surprisingly good analysis. The humans began to kiss again. Peridot's attention drifted back to them, her lips parting slightly as she watched.

"Have you ever done that?" Jasper asked. Peridot shook her head quickly, a light blue blush tingeing her face.

"I have...observed the mechanics of it enough on this show, but I've never undergone the act myself." Peridot caught Jasper's eye and found herself stuck there, as if she was silently asking something.

Jasper wouldn't know what kind of answer to give her. If anything, it was Peridot who understood this planet and these Gems, not her. As far as the rest of them were concerned, it wouldn't have been a loss if she had been smashed. Peridot was the only one who'd bothered with her.

"You said it's to form an allegiance, right?" Jasper asked.

Peridot nodded, still stuck in Jasper's eyes.

"Do you want to?" Peridot whispered.

Jasper nodded slowly. Peridot scooted closer to Jasper, inching towards her with an agonizing slowness. Peridot leaned in closer. From her spot on the floor, Jasper was eye to eye with her. Peridot hesitated and for a moment seemed to loose her nerve. Her eyes began to drift downwards, back to the meaningless noise of the TV. Jasper nodded once, enough to catch Peridot's attention. Peridot leaned forward and slowly, achingly slowly, pressed her lips against Jasper's.

Peridot's motions were sloppy and hesitant; her inexperience was obvious. It was nothing like the show. It didn't matter. Jasper leaned in closer, kissing her more deeply before pulling away. Jasper didn't understand much about Earth. But she was learning.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you all thought this fic was dead, huh?

Her eyes still itched. Everything was brighter after she'd come back. Colors glowed with a radiant intensity and outlines felt unnaturally sharp. The single sun burned crisp hues into the world and Jasper had to resist the urge to scratch out her eyes.

They'd brought her back to life, but had no clue what they wanted to do with her. Folly. Why even bother to bring her back? She was just a test subject, Jasper supposed.  The outcome of the test was all that mattered to Rose, not what followed after. It was just like her.

Her fingertips prickled when she got angry. Jasper still didn't believe she'd been cured, only sent into remission. As far as she was concerned, corruption was death, and she was just a lost soul who was getting a quick glimpse at the living world again before she'd inevitably be plunged back down into darkness.

She'd been escorted to this place because Peridot had wanted to see her. Another Gem to gawk at her 'miraculous' 'recovery,' Jasper assumed. Peridot had done little to hide her irritation for Jasper when they'd been on the ship, and Jasper hadn't spared much of a thought for the little gem during her time on Earth either. They were still strangers to each other.

They'd made her wait in a field for Peridot. They didn't want her to see Lapis, or maybe Lapis didn't want to see her. It didn't matter. Lapis was a dark spot in her recent past that Jasper was willing to leave behind. What had she even been thinking, begging to loose herself in Malachite again? 

A breeze rushed by and rippled through the long grass. The greenery brushed against her thighs, causing Jasper to jump upright. Itching. She couldn't stand the itching. In the distance, she caught sight of Peridot's distinctive hair as she made her way though the field. Jasper traced the top of her hair as she drew closer until the field parted and Peridot stood before her. She brushed a few stray bits of organic matter away and Jasper's hands twitched.

"So," Peridot started, "how about that army of monsters, am I right?" She grinned widely and Jasper considered punching her teeth out. Peridot's body burned like neon to her eyes and she squinted against the strain. Everything had become so much after reforming and Jasper just wanted to crawl into a dark hole. It was what a monster like her deserved anyway. Without a response from Jasper, Peridot pressed on.

"That was a joke," she elaborated. "To make you not feel bad. A joke is when-"

"I know what a joke is, Peridot. What do you want?" 

"I just wanted to make sure we were 'cool' about the whole 'me stabbing you in the chest thing.'"

" _Cool_?" Jasper slowly repeated, unconvinced of what she'd heard. Peridot nodded, still oblivious.

"Yes. Cool. That's the Earth terminology for no hard feelings. In case you hadn't heard, I'm pretty much an expert on Earth culture now."

"Stabbing me in the front, stabbing your Diamond in the back, you've just got it all figured out, haven't you?" Jasper sneered. That finally did it. Peridot's enthusiasm faded away, leaving behind the quiet, calculating Gem Jasper remembered. Peridot plopped down onto the grass and after a pause, Jasper did as well. They stared each other down, trying to understand the Gem each of them had become in the other's absence.

"Why did they bring me back, Peridot?"

Peridot considered her words carefully.

"There are many Gems on Earth who've been subjected to this 'corruption.' The Crystal Gems are seeking a means to reverse it. You happened to be the most recent of the afflicted, therefore it was logical to attempt your recovery first. Also, Steven felt bad."

Jasper barked out a laugh, rough and angry.

"If you really believe what Rose tells you, you're not as smart as I thought. She manipulates Gems, Peridot! She tricks them into-"

"Steven has explained this to me," Peridot interjected. "He is actually a Human/Gem hybrid, engineered and created by 'Rose' with the assistance of the human 'Greg.' To complete this experiment, Rose Quartz put her form into stasis. Steven is capable of activating her powers, but has none of her memories."

Lies. Peridot was pushing a fat sack of lies on her. Or she'd fallen for some moronic cover story. Rose Quartz was still there, still scheming against her. She had to be. It had to be Rose behind everything, behind all the set backs, all the failures. Because if it hadn't been Rose all along, that only left Jasper. Peridot watched curiously as Jasper bowed her head and covered her mouth briefly. She thought she heard a quiet groan.

"How do you feel?" Peridot asked.

Jasper closed her eyes against the throbbing headache behind her temples. The corruption hadn't hurt, when it started. It was a prickle, like static spreading through her body. Sensation was still there, but it was completely jumbled. At the very end, 'Jasper' had been swept away by the ocean of white noise her form had become. When she reformed, it felt like something had been robbed from her. Some essential piece of her being was gone and what remained was an echo ready to fall back into that formless ocean. 

"Missing," was all Jasper said.

The wind rolled past again, stroking Jasper and Peridot in feather-light touches. Jasper gritted her teeth and Peridot rubbed her stocking-clad feet on the ground. Feelings were a general ideological concept Peridot had only come to appreciate on Earth. Jasper was hurt by what had happened to her. Peridot never considered Jasper as the kind of Gem who had feelings to be hurt.

"I forget how to walk sometimes."

Jasper abruptly stopped rubbing her temples to stare at Peridot. Peridot was running a hand across her foot, avoiding Jasper's gaze as she made her confession.

"I was given my limb enhancers immediately after my initial formation. They became like second nature. When I lost them, it was like losing a piece of myself. Lots of pieces, actually."

Peridot had picked up a sheath of grass and rolled it between her fingers. Jasper watched closely as the little grains crumbled and fell under her touch.

"Sometimes when I get excited and try to run, I forget how to do it. I have to run on all four limbs instead. I'm still learning. You will too."

Jasper closed her eyes and concentrated on the feeling of the sun warming her back. Her eyes had stopped itching.


End file.
